Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth. - Psalm 31:5

February 7, 1998 Faithfulness always matters. One of the most insidious of all lies is that the small, everyday choices I make do not matter in the long run. The truth is that they are the decisions that matter most of all, because it is the little, everyday decisions that form the world we live in. This isn't a pious game I'm playing. This is reality, and everything counts. Joe

JOURNAL 11/6/95 Mark 1:14. After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, preaching the good news of God. Lord, what was this like for John? He obeyed you. He proclaimed the word of God faithfully, just as you had commanded him. And the result was that he was thrown into prison. Not only that, but no sooner was he arrested than Jesus left the area and went away to Galilee. John must have felt that you had abandoned and betrayed him. Yet you hadn't abandoned him or his ministry. John's work helped prepare Judea for the outbreak of the Gospel when Jesus returned. An outbreak that John did not live to see. John died in prison, alone. He led one of the most crucial lives in human history, but never knew it. What do you have in store for me that I know nothing of? It is the deep longing of my heart that, if it is not my place to remain until you come, my death will have meaning. That something important will be accomplished by my dying. But the life of John teaches me clearly that the value of my life, or my death, can not be seen from my perspective. Much of what I think is important may well be trivial. And what I pass over as unimportant may in fact be crucial This is tough. Everything counts. I can't skip the little, daily acts of obedience and sacrifice because I don't know what is vital and what is not. It is the little decisions that I have to be aware of. The decisions that may ultimately change nothing, but that may make all the difference in the world. And if I can't see which decisions I make are vital and which are trivial, neither can I evaluate the results of my choices. Within John's lifetime his ministry was a miserable failure. Yet it was essential to your entire plan. Lord, teach me to recognize just how much there is that I do not see.

JOURNAL 6/18/96 Exodus 24:12, 15-16. The LORD said to Moses, "Come up to me on the mountain, and stay here"...When Moses went up on the mountain, the cloud covered it, and the glory of the LORD settled on Mount Sinai. For six days the cloud covered the mountain, and on the seventh day the LORD called to Moses from within the cloud. The Lord called Moses up to Mount Sinai and Moses went. We often remember that God spoke with Moses for 40 days in the midst of the cloud. But we usually don't remember that Moses waited for a full week on that mountain before God spoke to him. And this despite the fact that God had been the one who had called him there to begin with. What did Moses think while he was sitting up on top of that mountain waiting? Did he question whether God had really spoken to him? Was he concerned? Indignant? Scared? And what would have been the result if Moses hadn't been willing to wait, if he had gone back down the mountain after a day or so when it was clear that God wasn't answering? It's often easy for me to forget, but no matter how serious or rushed situations seem to get God is not in a hurry. He created time, and he is not worried that it will run out, or that he will be too late to accomplish his purposes. Father, I am so rarely content to wait. Yet that was just what you wanted Moses to do, and many times it is just what you want me to do. Not to act, but simply to wait and to watch. Lord please make me willing to do that. You say so many times in Scripture to wait upon the Lord, please give me the patience to wait on you, and the open eyes and ears to recognize you when you are ready to speak.

JOURNAL 1/3/98 In our modern church culture we have often forgotten the proper place of feelings in worship. We judge the quality of our worship by how it makes us feel, thus proving that we have made feelings the goal, instead of worship. We have forgotten that the feelings of being loved by God, or of being in his presence, are something God gives in response to our worship. Those feelings are not themselves worship, nor is it acceptable to make them a standard, for what if God chooses not to give us any feeling at all? Does that mean we do not worship? What if my only feeling is irritation because I don't like the music that is being sung, but I choose to join in the singing anyway, by an act of will? Is my worship then false? No! On the contrary, I will find that I have entered into worship in truth, since I am worshipping God for who he truly is, rather than how I feel about him. This is genuine worship, and far more acceptable to God than much of what passes for worship today. I still remember this quote: "Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending to do our enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." (from Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.) When the object of worshipping is to experience certain feelings, then we are no longer worshipping God at all. We have begun to worship our feelings. This is idolatry. Exodus 20:4-6. "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to thousands who love me and keep my commandments." We tell people, wrongly, that being real means giving in to how they really feel. But the truth is the precise opposite: Being real means choosing to act out of what I know to be objectively true, regardless of how I feel. Acknowledging the feelings as being present, but not allowing them to rule over me. And as is always the case with unacknowledged sin, there is pride as well. The arrogance that says, "we are the ones who understand real worship." We are proud of the way in which we have fallen into sin.

JOURNAL 1/17/98 Philemon 6. I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. Is this why I so often have such a hard time truly believing in God's goodness to me? Because I haven't been actively involved in evangelism and discipleship? How many times have I been so caught up in trying to sense God's presence around me, and listening to hear his affirmations of love for me that I've forgotten about obeying him? Yet hearing God speak will only occur as I am obedient to him. If I am not doing what he has already commanded, God will be gracious enough not to say anything further, since doing so would only increase my disobedience. John 7:16-18. Jesus answered, "My teaching is not my own. It comes from him who sent me. If any one chooses to do God's will, he will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own. He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him." John 14:21-24. "Whoever has my commandments and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, "But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?" Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me." Hebrews 12:14. Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. Obedience is not an option! The God of grace and mercy, will nevertheless only show himself to those who are willing to be obedient. Our God is a holy God, and he has called us to be a holy people - that is, to make manifest in our lives the holiness of Christ, which he has by grace imparted to us. I have to say that I'm getting really sick and tired of hearing people tell me that they felt God leading them to do all sorts of things. Where is the objectivity? Where is the testing? Which of us is willing to obey what God has already commanded before feeling 'led' to do something else? Show me someone who is walking in obedience, and then I'll believe that God is leading them!

JOURNAL 1/20/98 When the worship time began this past Sunday all I felt was angry and sad over everything that has gone on in my life, and very tired. As we entered into worship, none of that changed. I didn't feel God's presence. I didn't feel love, either for God or from him. All I felt was angry and sad and tired. But I chose to join in the singing anyway, because what we sang was the truth. Worship isn't about feelings, it is about expressing what is true about God. And I thank God for allowing me the chance to enter into true worship, not leaning upon any feelings but responding solely to what is objectively real. If I share this too openly I know I will get resistance from some who have fallen into the trap of thinking that emotional worship is true worship. This is, sadly, just another indication of how far we have fallen away from the truth. Feelings of love, of being in the presence of a tender, compassionate Father are a wonderful refreshment when God gives them. So also the sense of holiness; the awful, penetrating, righteousness before which no one and nothing is worthy. I have had both of these experiences, and found the latter to be far more transforming than the former. But worship does not consist of, or require, either of these, or any other feeling. Worship is no less, and no more, than my response to God as he is, regardless of what I may feel him to be. And when the feelings which arise in me in response to the music start to blur that distinction, then it is time to set that music aside and return to the practice of worship as a discipline. "My own experience has been that there are some enjoyments, some distractions, some ways of spending my time, from which I must firmly turn aside, if I am going to keep the Spirit alive in me. I can say nothing against them in the abstract; they may be innocent enough in themselves, they may even be all right for other people, but I know myself well enough to be sure that I cannot afford to indulge in them without danger of losing the Pearl of Great Price. "They are like the weeds in our gardens. There is nothing wrong with the weeds themselves. Each of them has its own humble, honorable place among the flora. But we dare not let them grow where they are, lest they choke the tender plants which the garden is intended to nurture." (from Christian Devotion by John Baillie.) Lord, teach me to put my hope in you, and not in any good thing I may find on Earth. May I rejoice in your goodness when I see it, and when I don't. I don't want to refuse any legitimate source of happiness, but I must not make that the source of my hope, ever. Help me to trust in your goodness no matter what I see around me. © 1998, Joe Jefferson. All rights reserved. Permission is hereby granted to make copies for ministry purposes, provided no fee is charged and this copyright notice is included.